By the time I finally went into labor on August 12, 2016, I was so over being pregnant! My son was four days late. It was the peak of the summer heat. And, we didn’t have air conditioning. I still hadn’t decided on a name. But, everyone had a say so on what his name should be. Needless to say, I was NOT feeling the lead up to the end game, but I was actually excited to get my first contractions.
Today is The Day!
I woke up in not-so-excruciating pain around 8:00 that morning, and I knew “Today is THE Day”. I envisioned something like an hour or two of basic contractions. Then my water breaking, we rushed to the hospital to wait out the rest of the experience. I was accompanied with my husband, his mother, my sister and my mother. All of them by my side making jokes. While, lightheartedly supporting me through this wonderful experience.
Family in Waiting
In real life, my contractions dragged on all day long, spaced apart so far I was able to get a full re-twist before they got hospital worthy. My mother sat in her car with her a/c and her tablet to watch movies because my house was too hot for HER. My mother in law was there, but kept this awkward space between us because she was expecting my mom to be my primary support…from inside her car? Meanwhile, my husband and sister argued about which one of them should have a larger role in naming my firstborn child. They’d both already named one of their own. This was turning out to be more stressful and aggravating then I had bargained for.
After my hair was finished, and we came up with a four-part compromise on the baby’s name, I was ready to go to the hospital. My contractions were close enough for me to get the show on the road, but my water still hadn’t broken. And, my doctor was out of town anyway. So, I was instructed to get comfortable. I had only dilated about 4cm at that point and we needed me at least 8cm to get the party started.
Expecting My Doula to Show Up
I was informed that I couldn’t eat. Which only added to my irritation as my mother continued her movie binge. My mother in law sat quietly by the window, and my husband tried his best to keep me from being stressed out. I had been told a few months earlier that I qualified for someone called a Doula. Who would be part of my support system. I had met her once prior to the Big Day, but she was unable to be there as soon as I was admitted, and I was a little bummed.
Where is the Support…
I had hoped my mom and sister being there would have made me feel happy, special event, but they weren’t paying me any attention at all. My sister wasn’t even at the hospital for longer than thirty minutes. Before, she got bored and hungry. And, to add insult to injury, she ended up going to Originals to get her and my mom some food. Which they had the audacity to eat in front of me! I was starving, irritated, and the contractions had kicked up several notches.
I had finally made it to tears, completely unnoticed by anyone in the room but my husband, the shmuck who got me knocked up in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy to pieces, but something about labor makes the father of the child public enemy number one…or is that just me?
A Touch From An Angel
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I felt the first of a series of the earliest pain I had ever experienced in my life. My husband noticed and offered a hand for me to squeeze, but it didn’t do much good. As I closed my eyes and clenched my fists, crushing his fingers in the process, all of a sudden I felt the warmest and comforting touch on my back. “That’s right, just breath. Deep breath in, slow breath out. You got this. You’re amazing, Mama. You got this.” It was like some magical fairy had waved a wand and took the big bad pain away.
And not just the physical pain from the contraction, either. Her presence, her voice, her touch, all calmed me down instantly. I opened my eyes….and she was not the woman I had met and been talking to. I had never seen this person in my life, but she was so wonderful! She had been called by my original Doula to step in since she couldn’t make it, and boy did she step in! She got me a birthing ball to help me bounce my way through the pain. She played Kevin Gates for me on her Spotify to help me bounce and keep me calm. She stayed awake with me while everyone else slept. She made sure she asked the doctors all the questions that I was concerned about.
Standing in the Gap
She didn’t let them coerce me into any medications I didn’t want. Even, as we were heading into the wee hours of the morning with no progress. She kept me calm. I was having trouble dilating. So, by 12 am I had only made it to 6cms and the doctors ended up asking for permission to use Pitocin to further me along. I found out later that asking for permission is not something they usually do. But, my Doula made sure I knew all the risks and ins and outs. Before, I made the final decisions on all matters concerning my delivery. Which included the epidural and an eventual emergency C-section. She stayed with me the whole time.
Of course, my husband was by my side as well, but she provided comfort and empathy that was much needed and greatly appreciated, at a time when I felt like the people around me were taking the whole experience for granted.
Phillip James Leon Tucker Pierre Scott was born on August 13, 2016, at 12:10 pm. By the time I had him, everyone had left except my husband and my Doula. But, because she was there I felt nothing but love when it mattered most. I am forever grateful. Her presence inspired me to want to do the same for other new moms. That type of support is amazing, and more necessary than people realize. Until, they experience it. I look forward to the day when I can pay it forward. You can click HERE to donate to the campaign.
This is why I feel so strongly about joining the “UNSHAKEABLE MOTHERHOOD” campaign. As they are raising funds towards funding up to (10) aspiring doulas, as well as, mother meet ups. So, mothers will not feel alone and terrified of entering motherhood.
I experienced firsthand just how important it was to have a doula by your side. Where I could have possibly would have had a very different birth experience.
